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Tips for Marriage.


Marriage (Part I)

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules....
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what
time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect
a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be
home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard
time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...
whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever. "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are
having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says,
"And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house. After sometime he
realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and rings her up. She comes to the
phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,
" Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go
to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home
Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion
shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four"

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the
man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the
man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,
"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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God may have created man before woman but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece. ;)

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH
AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!